Hmm, it seems that I haven't posted a journal entry in some time..no matter nothing happened worth nothing.

I am currently procrastinating about studying for my test tomorrow, its the hardest test of the class and i haven't studied a bit for it so far. the class is Microeconomics ..not the hardest course but not the easiest either. I really like my teacher too he reminds me of the Italian Mafia just by the way he talks..well that and when he says -man if i woulda done something stupid like that bail out id been whacked on the spot- and of course other things i can't currently remember. Hes a really funny guy and actually makes learning enjoyable in that class. No wonder hes the number one student rated teacher in the college.

But anyways, the reason I'm procrastinating is because my mind keeps wandering from thing to thing. Mainly to my dear sister Suki and the online game mabinogi we have played together for quite some time. I joined mabinogi maybe a year or so ago because I was bored with RO and wanted to find something different and more exciting to play. For those who don't know RO stands for Ragnarok Online there are hundreads of servers all over the country and many of them are different with different kinds of people who play them. They range from RP to PVP to what ever the silly minds of the players decide to turn the game into weather it be to decimate life or liberate evil.

I actually met Suki on a server called Kuya RO, it was a small server with the population of around..80 or so online at a time normally. Its there that we became closer and closer and I even gained feelings for her, but after revealing them it was determined that something like an online relationship just wouldn't work out between us and oddly enough my feelings rapidly disappeared. Thank god for that too otherwise they would have stood in my way of becoming something far more important to her, and vise versa.

After originally joining mabi and attempting to play there, It soon became something that sucked my time away. I join after beta ended but I still consider myself one of the old players. The times when people would just say hello to you give you a lute and some music and we would sit down in tir in circles and play music with each other all day every day...i still have some of those music scrolls even. I made some dear friends back then and enjoyed every second of it. Sadly ..mabi stopped working for me..I couldn't get to the sign in screen, nor would it re-install..I was terribly dismayed by the outcome..of not being able to play anymore.

6 long months later, I was able to play again..I have no clue why and everyday I feared it would once again be my last to play. I signed on for the second of the first times and noticed...my friend list was completely emptied...and I was once again alone...I stumbled around trying to learn how to crawl again after forgetting all the controls, and noticed how different things were..people had pets now and could become shiny knights dressed in white and were immensely powerful! I had no clue what sort of world I entered upon. So i sought to learn about things become more powerful and make new friends..but the current character i had was old and fat so I made a new one.. my name was RedNovus, after a month or two of playing I made my first new friends on mabi, their names were Camasen and Cypress. After spending something like a whole day with them I quickly learned to like and appreciate them and they began to like me. I went on my first dungeon run with my new found friends and afterward was told it was a test and i had passed. From that moment I was a member of a guild. I was a truly happy person from then on. I became like a little puppy at the heals of Cypress and Camasen who had now became my Mabi "mom" and "dad". You could never find me online not at my mothers side. A few months went by and my mom's computer crashed..along with my happiness. It became a very lonely place after that I realized I had no other friends and no one who wanted to take her place..i was feeling rather empty.
A long times goes by, I had decided to stay up late looking for people to befriend. Thats when I met Luff and Zala a powerful white knight couple who for what ever reason thought I was funny. I was extatic to finnally have someone to talk to, I ended up randomly seeing them everywhere after that. We had suddenly became friends and together with them I grew happy again. Not so long after they introduced me to my now ex girl friend Johnna. I was very impressed with her being both a guild leader and strong and not some silly girl playing a game. I quickly became great friends with her as well, and wanted to join her guild but unfortunatly i had ties with my guild who was ran by my mom *who didnt play anymore due to computer problems* and my dad *who never really talked to me anyways*. But being the type of person I was I remained loyal and stayed with their guild.

Finally happy enough and determined to make more friends and be a more sociable person I amassed a nice group of friends and decided I wanted Suki to be happy with me once more. I convinced her *or at least I think i did* to get back online and play with me and Ashley *my at the time girl friend* once again. Suki got online immediately dismayed of how much things have changed and how weak she felt as a player. After some convincing she started to play more and more and I introduced her to all of my friends and told her I wanted her to join thier guild so she could make new friends and have fun, and that if any of the guys were mean or being an idiot to her to just let me know and ill take care of it. *because we all know how much perverted and stupid guys are* and being her brother its my duty to protect her from that. She was skeptakle at first but joined and actually made some friends and even a mabi husband. His name is Silverfrond and hes a really nice guy. Nothing like me *THANK GOD* and a very proper person who respects Suki and makes her happy. I secretly planned the whole thing with aid from Johnna that Suki would join her guild and even marry Silverfrond *lol*. I'm a sneaky one

So with the addition of Suki coming back to mabi my life was perfect? Hell i couldn't have asked for better, I had so many friends I was so popular it was a problem at times making time for everyone lol and I had an online girl friend now Johnna...lol long story short when i get a girl friend..i tend to get tunnel visioned. So.. alot of my friends stopped talking to me lol and i didn't care, i had Johnna and Suki what more could i ask for? Welllll *skips ahead in the future* yea Johnna and I broke up and I kinda sorta lost interest in playing mabi. I mean come on.. even though Cypress came back things changed and I wasn't interested in trying to go back to the way things were before, I lost alot of friends.. and my current ones stopped talking to me so much. Johnna also stopped talking to me for a while but we started again..now we talk like once a week if that and not for very long either. We are friends but yea..she still feels bad about breaking up with me even though I tell her its ok and its not her fault that i don't really play anymore. *even though i told her b4 we even started going out that if she broke up with me I prolly wouldn't want to play anymore.
Its just something that happens to me when a relationship ends I just lost interest in everything that has to do with it..kinda sucks for all my online friends. People are sad that I don't play anymore and I'm not the happiest even playing on it. Imagine getting on a game where you have lost most if not all of your friends twice and you get on stand in a field alone no one cares enough to have a conversation with you and you have nothing to do because you have already done most of the things in the game and all that's left is leveling your skills...not only boring but its lonely stuff. I even joined World of Warcraft because of it..Unlike mabi there are so many things to do there and I've already made some good friends. I don't really want to play mabi anymore..I'll get on to say hi once in a while but doing things there and staying on for hours a day..doesn't really appeal to me. Even Suki doesn't play as often as she did when we played together. We hang out on there sometimes but.. hmm anyways, I let her enjoy time with her friends and if shes lonely or bored I try my hardest to make up for it. I want her to have fun and enjoy herself.. She's really the whole reason why I ever sign on there, weather its to tell her good night because she doesn't see my MSN message untill its to late or to Say hi because I miss her. Besides talking to people theres not much else I do there.

But I don't know what to do, Suki came back to mabi for me...just for me. And I think shes happy there.. but I don't know. She would sacrifice her happiness for other people she cares for..I wonder if I could do the same..if it was anyone but Suki I wouldn't have to think hard about it. I wish I could just take her with me.. I wish I had some other way to be with her. I wonder if even having to think about this makes me a bad brother. Meh I'd better stop thinking about that.

On a side note.. Suki may come back to WoW..Thats awesome! I've never played WoW with her, she has alot of people who want her to come back and we are all on different servers, I hope she pics me but I'm also nervous about it because she left the first time because she was bored? .. I cant remember what the reason was but will she be bored with me? kinda scary thought lol. but putting that aside.If she joined me on WoW will it matter if i played mabi anymore or not? I will be able to play with Suki again and hog all of her attention lol <.< *doesn't like to share* I wonder if we would be able to make friends like we did on mabi. I have already being in a guild has its benefits. But what about her, would she like the guild I'm in? would she join wow and end up not liking it after all and leaving again? Would I be able to live up to her expectations..does she have expectations? Than again None of that matters, I just want to be able to spend time with my Suki it doesn't matter how or what we would be doing so long as we are together.

Hmm, just realized how boring my own words were..well you don't have to read if you dont want to..althoguh you have suffered through all of it and made it to the end.. I commend you for caring enough to. Well thats it for my thoughts at the present everything thats been filling my head as of late are now here..Enjoy analyzing them.

Bye byez~